i get so bitter, being bitter, being bitter...
i have been so sad for so many years.
i am giving the sadness and sorrow and regret up for now.
i am giving in to the universe, the great abyss and nothingness.
i am hoping that my leap of fate will leave me with a bountiful load
testing the universe, without the test.
i am letting go, letting go
letting go of the bitterness, of the past.
living in this present state of right now
mindfulness and passion combined.
so please catch me...
everything around me, please catch me.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
End with a Beginning with an End with a Future.
feeling too much, thinking too much, it's painful to live with all my emotions erupting all the time.
emotions don't stop coming, i can't stop feeling. desire is deadly, temptation exists, but it's much harder to have and to hold for longer than an evening.
I make decisions that i can't own and i find myself in these positions that I immediately regret. When will i find what i am Looking for. . . I dont know when i will have the smooth and boring life i dream about. Instead I just remain on this Fucked up roller coaster.
all of this thinking is messing up my mind, it's messing up my heart. Getting things out helps sometimes, sometimes it makes things worse.
at this point i can not figure out what is right and what is wrong, what is appropriate and what is not. opening a new door, a new window and a different future than i thought i'd walk into. all i can do is move forward... optimistically.
emotions don't stop coming, i can't stop feeling. desire is deadly, temptation exists, but it's much harder to have and to hold for longer than an evening.
I make decisions that i can't own and i find myself in these positions that I immediately regret. When will i find what i am Looking for. . . I dont know when i will have the smooth and boring life i dream about. Instead I just remain on this Fucked up roller coaster.
all of this thinking is messing up my mind, it's messing up my heart. Getting things out helps sometimes, sometimes it makes things worse.
at this point i can not figure out what is right and what is wrong, what is appropriate and what is not. opening a new door, a new window and a different future than i thought i'd walk into. all i can do is move forward... optimistically.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Single Most Important Political Issue
"As the nation approaches its 57th Presidential Election, we're asking the future leaders of this country, students, to define the single most important political issue in this election. Tell us not only what that issue is, but also tell us why and how you propose we come to a solution that benefits the majority?"
The single most important political issue in this upcoming election is the inequality between the rich and poor. This issue includes much more than just the vast separation between the rich and poor, but includes the lack of jobs being created along with the poor economy. The rich have continued to get richer, while the poor of this country continue to get poorer and poorer. Poverty is a problem that affects us all, but at the present time it seems to only be an issue for some and not everyone in this country as a whole. Poverty brings a whole host of other problems and without finding some solutions in this upcoming election to the inequalities that exist for the "haves" and "have-nots" this country is in for a lot more trouble than it already is presently.
The fact that the wealth in this country is being controlled by a very small number of people is a scary thought. Those who do not have access to money, in turn, lack a lot of power and the resources to help them get out of their present situation. I know this sort of thing first hand as I have been working with various homeless populations for the past five years. I am working on my education to help those in need more and more. Unfortunately, the large gap between the rich and poor makes it very challenging for any real change to occur. The disparity has become too great to be stopped by just a few people who care about the poor and disenfranchised. Something must be done.
This country truly is only as strong as its weakest person. That being said, the most important issue is the massive inequalities that exist between the rich and the poor. There is a crucial need for serious changes that can help transform this country and give hope to the next generation.
This is an official blog entry for the YourLocalSecurity.com Blogging Scholarship. If selected, I'll receive $1000 towards my college expenses in 2012. This scholarship is sponsored by YourLocalSecurity.com
The single most important political issue in this upcoming election is the inequality between the rich and poor. This issue includes much more than just the vast separation between the rich and poor, but includes the lack of jobs being created along with the poor economy. The rich have continued to get richer, while the poor of this country continue to get poorer and poorer. Poverty is a problem that affects us all, but at the present time it seems to only be an issue for some and not everyone in this country as a whole. Poverty brings a whole host of other problems and without finding some solutions in this upcoming election to the inequalities that exist for the "haves" and "have-nots" this country is in for a lot more trouble than it already is presently.
The fact that the wealth in this country is being controlled by a very small number of people is a scary thought. Those who do not have access to money, in turn, lack a lot of power and the resources to help them get out of their present situation. I know this sort of thing first hand as I have been working with various homeless populations for the past five years. I am working on my education to help those in need more and more. Unfortunately, the large gap between the rich and poor makes it very challenging for any real change to occur. The disparity has become too great to be stopped by just a few people who care about the poor and disenfranchised. Something must be done.
This country truly is only as strong as its weakest person. That being said, the most important issue is the massive inequalities that exist between the rich and the poor. There is a crucial need for serious changes that can help transform this country and give hope to the next generation.
This is an official blog entry for the YourLocalSecurity.com Blogging Scholarship. If selected, I'll receive $1000 towards my college expenses in 2012. This scholarship is sponsored by YourLocalSecurity.com
Saturday, June 26, 2010
6.26.10
Now that I am working I have been slacking like crazy on the blog :(
I really like my job, but it stinks that I have no social life here. My life is just Sadie, Eric and work. I need to get out and meet people, but it is so hard. The thing is, though, that I don't even notice that I have no friends when Eric and Sadie are around because they take up a lot of my time and I am super tired at the end of the day.
Eric is at a motorcycle rendezvous with his brother and father and Sadie is hanging with my parents because I had to work yesterday and today. Luckily, Eric and Sadie both get back tomorrow, but as for tonight... well, I don't know.
It's times like these that I realize how lonely it can be living in a new city.
On the other hand, my work is amazing. I love helping people so I am in the right place. Here in Portland there is a major homelessness problem especially right now and there is some overcrowding. Due to this my work is taking over Refugee Services to have an extra place for people to sleep. This means more staff is needed too. I have volunteered to work some overnights so that should be a good experience (and some extra money, yay!).
I am also pretty gung ho about this master's program offered through University of New England, so even though it sucks to be lonely I sure am keeping myself busy.
I really like my job, but it stinks that I have no social life here. My life is just Sadie, Eric and work. I need to get out and meet people, but it is so hard. The thing is, though, that I don't even notice that I have no friends when Eric and Sadie are around because they take up a lot of my time and I am super tired at the end of the day.
Eric is at a motorcycle rendezvous with his brother and father and Sadie is hanging with my parents because I had to work yesterday and today. Luckily, Eric and Sadie both get back tomorrow, but as for tonight... well, I don't know.
It's times like these that I realize how lonely it can be living in a new city.
On the other hand, my work is amazing. I love helping people so I am in the right place. Here in Portland there is a major homelessness problem especially right now and there is some overcrowding. Due to this my work is taking over Refugee Services to have an extra place for people to sleep. This means more staff is needed too. I have volunteered to work some overnights so that should be a good experience (and some extra money, yay!).
I am also pretty gung ho about this master's program offered through University of New England, so even though it sucks to be lonely I sure am keeping myself busy.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
6.10.10
Yesterday as I was going out to do my morning bike path bicycle ride I met a crazy automobile driver.
I was at the intersection of Marginal Way and Franklin Arterial in the middle lane that is designated as the "bike lane." It is a little awkward since it is in the middle of the road, but I was just doing what the bike rules told me to do. Anyway, this gas consumer is swerving behind me and then rolls up next to me yelling at me through her closed window. I motioned that I could not hear her so she rolled down her window and proceeded to scream and yell at me about not being in the middle of the road.. blah, blah, blah.
I informed her and showed her how I was in a bike lane and was just waiting for the red light to change. I was not in her way at all as she was taking a right turn, but she was still pissed.
She told me I was a fucking bitch and all kinds of other choice words. I told her to stop being ignorant and open her eyes and then told her just to be on her way. She burnt out and sped off down Franklin Arterial towards the Old Port.
As I was riding I was thinking about my blog. I was thinking how cool it would have been to write a cyclist beware post and put a photo of her license plate on the blog. I wish I had snapped a photo because this woman was so rude. Of course, this was in hindsight and I had not thought at the time of all this yelling to take out my camera phone and snap a photo.
Oh well.
If anyone sees a slightly overweight lady driving a nice new dark blue Nissan with a University of Maine sticker on the back windshield tell her to stop consuming oil and get a bicycle.
For now, I am trying to limit my driving to as little as absolutely necessary and have been biking everywhere even though it is raining like crazy and currently I am soaked.
Enjoy your day!
I was at the intersection of Marginal Way and Franklin Arterial in the middle lane that is designated as the "bike lane." It is a little awkward since it is in the middle of the road, but I was just doing what the bike rules told me to do. Anyway, this gas consumer is swerving behind me and then rolls up next to me yelling at me through her closed window. I motioned that I could not hear her so she rolled down her window and proceeded to scream and yell at me about not being in the middle of the road.. blah, blah, blah.
I informed her and showed her how I was in a bike lane and was just waiting for the red light to change. I was not in her way at all as she was taking a right turn, but she was still pissed.
She told me I was a fucking bitch and all kinds of other choice words. I told her to stop being ignorant and open her eyes and then told her just to be on her way. She burnt out and sped off down Franklin Arterial towards the Old Port.
As I was riding I was thinking about my blog. I was thinking how cool it would have been to write a cyclist beware post and put a photo of her license plate on the blog. I wish I had snapped a photo because this woman was so rude. Of course, this was in hindsight and I had not thought at the time of all this yelling to take out my camera phone and snap a photo.
Oh well.
If anyone sees a slightly overweight lady driving a nice new dark blue Nissan with a University of Maine sticker on the back windshield tell her to stop consuming oil and get a bicycle.
For now, I am trying to limit my driving to as little as absolutely necessary and have been biking everywhere even though it is raining like crazy and currently I am soaked.
Enjoy your day!
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