letter to the universe

i get so bitter, being bitter, being bitter...
i have been so sad for so many years.
i am giving the sadness and sorrow and regret up for now.
i am giving in to the universe, the great abyss and nothingness.

i am hoping that my leap of fate will leave me with a bountiful load
testing the universe, without the test.
i am letting go, letting go
letting go of the bitterness, of the past.

living in this present state of right now
mindfulness and passion combined.
so please catch me...
everything around me, please catch me.

End with a Beginning with an End with a Future.

feeling too much, thinking too much, it's painful to live with all my emotions erupting all the time.
emotions don't stop coming, i can't stop feeling. desire is deadly, temptation exists, but it's much harder to have and to hold for longer than an evening.

I make decisions that i can't own and i find myself in these positions that I immediately regret. When will i find what i am Looking for. . . I dont know when i will have the smooth and boring life i dream about. Instead I just remain on this Fucked up roller coaster.

all of this thinking is messing up my mind, it's messing up my heart. Getting things out helps sometimes, sometimes it makes things worse.

at this point i can not figure out what is right and what is wrong, what is appropriate and what is not. opening a new door, a new window and a different future than i thought i'd walk into. all i can do is move forward... optimistically.